Broken News - News, the Broken Variety: Weighter Danger

News, the Broken Variety: Weighter Danger

by Cauldron Larynx

Weighter Danger

We've all heard of the "Freshman 15," referencing new college students
who leave home to go away to University. The old tale is that a
college freshman will gain an average of fifteen
pounds during the course of their first year. This got me thinking...
how does this apply when individuals start a position in the workplace
that is in a new industry to them? There has to be a link between
weight gain and certain jobs, right? Our in-depth research and
never-say-die analysis points to the following data points: taxi
drivers gain the most weight on average during their first year
driving, police officers are second, followed by day traders, computer
engineers, affiliate managers and finally, firemen. Taxi drivers, in
the top
spot, are gaining an average of 21 pounds during their initial 365-day
run cruising the dangerous streets.

Speaking of danger, the TOP FIVE professions most likely to incur
bodily harm are comprised of nearly the exact same jobs, only slightly
shuffled. Police officer is number one, security guard number two,
taxi driver three, firemen, and finally the
oft-accosted affiliate manager.

Free Turkeys

The "Big Three" are motivating the inudstry to make philanthropic
strides to achieve a greater nation. CPA Empire, AzoogleAds and Hydra
Media gave thanks for their differences and past grievances and pooled
extra dollars to give Thanksgiving turkeys to the poor this holiday
season. Between the three, nearly 1,000 turkeys were given away in
the economically challenged areas of New York, Westminster, CO and Los
Angeles. Some of the Hydra members even abandoned the cozy confines
of Beverly Hills for a few hours and ventured into downtown Los
Angeles [fashion district], Compton and Inglewood. Ok, they didn't go
to Compton or Inglewood, but I am hearing, "they wanted to."

A "Ham Drive" is scheduled for Christmas, and fundraising has already
begun. With two out of the three Companies making the Inc. Top 500
fastest growing firms, I'd say the fundraising should come from all
the revenue derived off the "Free Tickle Me Elmo" campaigns!

I Am Marketing

Warner Bros. is insisting they will not make the same mistake as 20th
Century Fox in 2004. Three years ago, Fox had box office beauty, Will
Smith in a sci-fi vehicle, "I, Robot." Or, as I found when I was down
in Mexico that summer, "Yo, Robot." With next month's release of "I
Am Legend," the trusty WB thinks they have their "biggest film in
nearly a decade." Warners is launching an all-out online media blitz,
beginning next week. Set to run through all of December, they have
partnered with esteemed agency, AvenueA/Razorfish to find mailers and
banner networks to market ads featuring an interactive registration
path and "kill the zombies" game. I was pitched the campaign at
$1.00/click and an unlimited cap, so we're talking some serious deep
pockets. Me Gusta! Sorry, "Yo Gusta."

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This episode of Broken News is brought to you by our trusted industry insider, Cauldron Larynx. Cauldron utilizes deep knowledge, deeper skills and deepest relationships to make up the most breaking and relevant news in the Affiliate Marketing sector

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