Broken News
Poisonous Florida
Date: Tuesday, 7/10/2007
Time; 2:13 AM
Place: Mercy Hospital. Miami, Florida
Reports from hospitals across South Florida are telling a frightening
tale about a Monday night gone wrong for many Affiliate Summit
attendees. Mercy Hospital, Mount Sinai and Baptist Hospital of Miami
have released unofficial statements officially blaming "The Mansion"
as well as "Le Prive" for "serving those people FAR too many shots."
Alcohol poisonings stood at record highs early Tuesday morning, when
cab loads of hive-laced, vomiting Summit patrons were dumped on the
sidewalks of the various hospitals. "Trashed Zombies" is how one
nurse described them. We grabbed her for a longer quote, "you ever
seen that movie 'Dawn of the Dead.' This night was like, 'Dawn of the
Dead Drunk.' It was really, really ugly." She also reported that
over half of the admitted patients could only utter a single word upon
admission… "Leadflash." This noble journalist would never dare expose
himself or his sobriety to open bar affiliate parties, although a
handful of friends and associates remarkable had the same nightmare,
claiming someone that resembled me was lining up "rows" of shots and
"forcing" them to toast and drink. This claim certainly has no merit
or credibility and can not be substantiated.
No Fun in the Sun
The topless pool at The Shore Club in South Beach has just been voted,
"the least fun place to be." In a poll taken behind- the-scenes from
a wide cross-section of people, both in and out of our industry, five
finalists emerged. These five locales were chosen amongst hundreds of
options presented to residents of all 50 mainland states. Our
privately held Company is sponsoring the "least fun" winner to receive
a donation to the March of Dimes in its name. The Shore Club pool
narrowly beat out, "the pediatrician's office," "elderly home,"
"stalled plane on runway prior to take-off", and "mosquito-laden
marsh."
Live Free For LinkShare
LinkShare has locked down another massive name and secured exclusivity
on their network. Partnering with Fox Films, Bruce Willis and Pfizer,
LinkShare will debut their new web initiative for Viagra in the next
few days. Coming one week after the release of the fourth
installment of the John McClane action-packed extravaganza, the
campaign will launch with a series of banner ads, TV spots and
registration path placements. LinkShare is also not ruling out email
distribution, heralding the "Live Hard and Die Free" launch the
"finest and firmest" campaign release of 2007.
Cauldron Larynx
DM Pimping
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