True Grit
Our sources have confirmed that online dating leader, True, has decreased their lead gen registration once again. This is a startling event that has bewildered MySpace, Friendster, BlackPlanet and myriad web sites across the net. With the newest price decrease, MySpace is expecting to lose "anywhere between 10 and 15 percent" of their monthly revenue generated from the site. The newest decrease leaves us all scrambling for "the next hot dating site," but True is holding strong that they will continue to be able to buy media online. Their spokesperson released the following statement: "At twenty dollars or one penny, True remains committed to paying affiliates for new registrations they send to our site. Affiliates deserve every penny of the penny we are paying for their thoughts and efforts." Yes, friends. We are down to one cent per reg for True.
Azoogle Following Right Media Lead
Canadian and partially New York-based AzoogleAds is hoping their
efforts can foster better relations between America and our northern
neighbor. "We are pioneering efforts so that one day affiliate
marketers and anyone in any industry can jump from anywhere in North
America and pick up a paycheck."
But wait, that isn't even what this article is about! The true value
of this entry is to present Azoogle's newest payout feature... DYNAMIC
PRICING. First introduced by Right Media, Azoogle has followed form
with CPA pricing that changes with every registration! A nearby
affiliate has been quoted as saying, "my first 13 leads today
registered at $3 per lead, and at 4pm my affiliate manager called me
to tell me that not only would the remainder of the leads that I drive
for the day be calc'd at $2 per reg, but my first 13 were lowered to
$2 as well! So I responded, well, how about my leads from yesterday?"
"ummm.... oh yes, those. We have set you at an
equitable-to-all-parties eighteen cents per click for yesterday's
traffic." Hmmmm...
New Drug of Choice- Yet, There Is No Choice Involved!
The 70's had weed and acid. The 80's had Coke, and you don't gotta
tell me twice, heyyyyyyaaaaa!! The 90's had goth teenagers following
Kurt's lead with some nasty amounts of heroin. Now, in 2007,
employers around the industry have passed a universal decree that
ADHD-regulator "Ritalin" is a pre-requisite for any new affiliate
manager upon hire. "Strong phone skills, charismatic personality,
attention to deal and ritalin dependence are all musts."
Mailer Actually Responds to Email
In what appears to be an Industry First, James Androstine of
HotCPADelivery replied to an email from an Affiliate Manager.
Initially, Lisa Tiller of RocketProfit did not understand what
actually occurred. "I clicked on send/receive, expecting my Outlook
to generate the usual Penis Pills/dating solicitations/mass forwards
from friends, but when I saw the from name of '
James@hotcpadelivery.com' I almost fainted." Her enthusiasm was
short-lived, however, as upon opening the email, Lisa realized that
the reply stated, "please remove me from future mailings." Androstine,
when reached for questioning, stated his rationale: "simply put, I
receive too many emails and calls from people who want me to mail
their offers. Don't they realize how busy I am? I mean, I'm really
busy. Really, REALLY busy."
Cauldron Larynx
DM Pimping
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