Short Up Downer
By Bryan May

All the lands I have never known, will I know them someday?  For a time, not too long of a time, but for a time, I thought I would see those lands with her.  That doesn’t seem too likely at this point, but I guess I will abandon my fatalistic tendencies and hope for the best.  The best, of course, being unknown, because how can you ever know what’s the best?  It is much easier to determine “the worst,” right?  Although, at times, the worst is just as debatable as the best, and varies depending on person, point of view, and ultimate outcome.  I have spent far too much time wondering and wandering, and not nearly enough time working and grinding.  I appreciate the opportunity to rediscover my roots and think a little bit while writing my weekly Digital Moses entries, but the rest of the week, I really don’t do much thinking at all.  Well, I think about what it is that I am doing, but there is an infinite bridge between thinking about what you’re doing and thinking about what you’re thinking.  I did far too much thinking about what I was thinking in my youth, and it was mentally taxing.  I was close to holding bananas and grapes with the fruit of the loon.  These days I abandon emotional thought as much as possible, and in its place I work and grind and bang.  It has really been a welcome addition to my life.  Now, if I can only get a bit of exercise re-introduced, I might find a moment of peace here and there.  Whenever a period of time comes around when I can “relax with my thoughts,” that’s when the trouble will start up.  The chance to lament, the escape beyond work, the opportunity for reflection, not a place I want to be.  My email address is at the bottom of the page, right?  Hit me with a work request, I’ll have it done for you before I go to sleep.  “If you want something done, ask a busy person,” that’s what my dad always says.

Please call me and provide some writing kindling- I’m completely burned out and have nothing left!  I’ve been sitting here the entire afternoon writing one line at a time, then checking scores, then getting something to drink, looking out the window at nothing but a fence and some brush, and finally returning to my near-empty page.  Today is Sunday, and you would know how I felt about Sundays if an article I wrote for you some weeks back hadn’t been pulled for objectionable content.  It was the right decision.  It was objectionable.

Really.  I think there really is nothing of anecdotal significance to say this week.  Allow me to leave you with a thought that I am debating.  It takes a lot to give up something you love, even if it is bad for you and your growth as a person.  It is even more difficult to give up someone you love, and I haven’t learned to be able to do it yet.  I think we never really learn to be able to pull that one off.  At least not without some time, some trauma and some kind of support.  Where you find that support is up to you.

 

Bryan May
bmay@emarketmakers.com